I don't like "good conversationalists"
A rant about small talk enthusiasts
While browsing Twitter during my work hours, I stumbled upon a tweet that read:
In person it feels rare that people hear the words I say. I say something, and people pattern-match my words to words they’ve heard before, and respond to that instead. (@simonsarris)
I don’t know if the distinction of it being “in person” makes a difference to me, but I’ve definitely experienced many instances such as the one described above. There is a tendency among many to hack conversations by pattern-matching things that are said to things that they’ve heard said before.
This isn’t inherently bad. Everyone does it. When someone says “Hey, what’s up?” I will always reflexively answer with “Nothing much, how about you?” as many others will as well. Those types of interactions can occur in autopilot and pattern-matching in those scenarios serve as a tool for effiency.
That said, I’ve noticed that a lot of people I know associate the term “good conversationalist” with a highly developed pattern-matching skillset. This is stupid. SO DUMB!!!
Good conversationalists are not people who are good at pattern-matching in small talk. Unfortunately, this seems to be the definition that most people use. In my ARROGANT opinion, a good conversationalist is someone who is capable of generating and adapting to novel conversations. This is the best indicator of one’s conversational skillset. One’s ability to riff without too much shared context is a great example of this.
The idea that being able to run through a set of gay responses is “skilled” is asinine. I can already picture this person in my head.
Gay Conversationalist: “Hey, how’s it going?”
Lesbian Woman of Color: “Nothing much, how about you?”
Gay Conversationalist: “Just doing my thing, you know the deal. Busy day. But I’m looking forward to the weekend. You got any plans?”
Lesbian Woman of Color: “Ohh, no I don’t. I’ll probably just watch some Netflix. You?”
Gay Conversationalist: “Netflix! Not a bad weekend, not a bad weekend at all! I’m gonna head to Sedona for the weekend for a backpacking trip. I’m super excited!“
Above is what many consider to be a “good” conversation. This is utter DOGCRAP!!! People who excel at conversations like this are often incapable of handling novel conversations. One of my favorite hobbies when one of these “conversationalists” approach me and begin to make mouth noises at me, is to immediately start riffing about something they aren’t prepared for. If they’re TRULY a skilled conversationalist, they’ll be able to handle it. More often than not, they turn into a shell of their former selves — sputtering and crapping their arses as I continue to speak.
Gay Conversationalist: “I’m gonna head to Sedona for the weekend for a backpacking trip. I’m super excited!“
ME: “Oh, Arizona? The border situation down there is interesting. I wonder if you’ll see any illegal immigrants. Why are you going to Sedona to hike by the way? You know you can just walk around outside too right? Just go to Starved Rock or something if you need something new.”
Gay Conversationalist: “Oh, haha. Um. Uhh. Um.. I-uh…Erm…”
ME: “Yup. IDIOT!"
Gay Conversationalist: “Sorry, Sir!!!”
I come across this type of person a lot. I think their personality archetype does not mesh well with mine (a jester). I’m not good at small talk, but I can excel in novel conversations and I can riff with strangers on COMMAND!
This is a large part of why I don’t like meeting new people. There’s this notion of “you can’t have real conversations until you get to know someone” which doesn’t even make any sense. Like, yeah — don’t talk about super personal stuff. But “deep” conversations aren’t the only real ones! You should be capable of doing something beyond exchanging LLM AI slop verbal nonsense.
Whatever. I don’t care.
Whenever I meet people who aren’t funny and can’t riff, it bothers me. How can someone exist like this? Like, I can kinda imagine it? But not really. It’s just foreign to me. I could probably have more deep thoughts about this topic, but that’s kinda gay and I’m sleepy. I wrote this because I had the idea and I needed to get it out. Farewell.